Growing Panes

The growing panes of yesterday
once clouded with fear and uncertainty
appear crystal clear
with the rain of time
and finally I see.

I loved you once upon a time,
the very nearness of you
would set my heart on fire
flames of want
threatened to devour the whole of me.

The soft voice of my name
spoke through your lips
the way your eyes looked at me,

these panes of time...

streaked with the tears
of the insane wishes of a girl
who just wanted to lay in your arms.

The contrasts were too much,
black and white
faded to gray
and they put me away
painted my panes
to mirror what they thought I should see.

Labeled and medicated,
they tried to mold me into the perfect doll,
posed my arms, my head and my smile
placed me on a shelf for all to admire.

Years have passed
and I've found you again,

I'm no longer that doll
who shattered soon after
heart broken for what was not allowed to be.

And through these panes of time,
I finally see,

how little I meant to you.

© BAN

I was contacted by an old flame, someone I cared for very much when I was younger.  He was a bit of a forbidden love my parents separated me from, and all that followed was a difficult period in my life.   

Seems this man thought he was going to waltz in and have what he wanted, in spite of the fact he was not only attached through marriage but also had another on the side, where does that leave me?  

I didn't let it get too far, I wrote to him and stated I deserved better, and I am so much more than a good time, I am after all a human being with feelings, and I have so much more to offer to someone who wants to get to know me...and I happen to think I am a pretty special person who deserves someone who will allow me to be the best I can be.

It's good to speak your mind, allow others to know where you stand, when I stated this, he apologized and we were able to have a nice chat about where things were left between us and it is good to be on level playing ground and to move forward knowing as adults we can speak to each other without hurting one another.